Now that I am a universal covering, I need to be careful. I mean, I am doing the work of the ministry with excellence so not just anybody can get up and talk in the blog prophesy mic. It is a valuable, valuable tool in spreading the Gospel of God. And what comes out of that mic, well, I alone am uniquely qualified to say what is God and what is not. So, in the words of the modern day pastor Eric Theodore Cartman, “You Will Respect My Authoritah!”
What is my authority for?
Well, it is to for being respected and doing important things.
What important things?
Hummm… protecting the prophesy mic and making sure that those who want to preach on my blog are subject to my good pleasure. I am a blog tyrant, and many of you are tyrants in training like Timothy. You need that oversight.
As one dear brother in the faith Larry Tomczak put it: “Faulty foundations are also beginning to give way in the Body of Christ. Christians are discovering that one source of the cracks is a lack of recognizing foundational apostolic/ prophetic ministry. Many are realizing today they can’t ignore God’s pattern for building his church “…having been built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone” (Eph. 2:20).”
And since I’ve had other blog apostles validate my authority, I can confidently proclaim my blog apostle-ness. It is not a self-appointment because others affirm my appointment. So, since other blog apostles, who I affirm in their blog apostle-ness, affirm me, then that makes me an blog apostle too, and since we are all blog apostles linked in brotherly accountability, that means you should accept my blog Apostle-ness.
Why? Well, just because. My history validates my character as far as I’m concerned, and besides, God does not promote big heads. Ergo, if I am promoted, I don’t have a big head. I am humble.
Since my blog apostle-ness is fully established, and since you all are submitted to my Authoritah, you are “covered” or “oversighted,” depending on your doctrinal pedigree. Don’t’ forget to give sacrificially and tithe, you God-robber. I don’t want to have to keep telling you. I have important things to do.
Like what?
Well, uh… there are some national and international conventions where blog apostles are getting together to talk about how lowly blog pastors and lower blog teachers, and even lower on the pyramid, blog evangelists: How you all need our apostolic government. It isn’t about the national speaking events mind you, but we are going to get together and talk about blog apostle things. Because that is what Apostles do.
Again, our dear brother Larry Tomczak said it so eloquently: “Today, many Christian leaders are admitting their limitations and their need for extra-local team ministry. Humbling themselves and seeking out proven apostles and prophets to lay scriptural foundations in their midst, they find God honors His Word: “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). They’re discovering that apostolic ministry isn’t some novel idea, but the scriptural means for building the Church and advancing the kingdom of God in the earth.”
You who don’t accept my blog apostle-ness are proud, because you can’t see the flaws in your foundation. God opposes you in your pride. The rains are coming and the storms are blowing and the faultiness of your foundations are eroding. (I’m not talking about the spiritual carnage being perpetrated by Sovereign Grace Ministries. I am talking about guarding the prophesy mic and making sure you are submitted to my authority.) You need my blog Apostle-ness to prevent the bad stuff from washing you away.
What else do I do in my Blog Apostle-ness?
Uhmmm… well… you see it is my unique privilege to tell YOU what to do. There are some stamps to lick at the SpiritualTyranny main office. And there are some bathrooms to clean. And many other menial tasks that you need to do, to show yourself approved in little, so you can be “promoted” in much.
Acts is our model and the way to become a miracle worker like Stephen is to wait blog tables diligently and eventually the blog Apostle, like myself will, “release” you into ministry.
So… while you’re licking e-stamps and waiting on Blog tables, I’m going to be over here being ministry exclusive. Don’t forget to give sacrificially and tithe, you God-robber. I don’t want to have to keep telling you. And you’re under a curse if you don’t.
Dum de dum de dum
Dumd de dum… deee deee.
dum… deee deee
>Twiddle, Twiddle<
>phone ringing<
This is John, resident Blog apostle.
What’s that? Did I hear about the carnage coming out of Sovereign Grace Ministries?
Uh-huh… mmmm… yeah, that is bad.
What? A woman divorced over doctrine? Her name is Free Bird?
>head shaking<
Uh… mmm uhmmm … How tragic.
Another one? Her name was ACME? They did what to her? Well… it’s only two.
>listening<
No… I don’t know Jim and Carol from Titusville… maybe I do… I’ll have to think about it. But what happened to them again? Oh… yeah, that sounds like my story.
>listening<
Yeah… I’ve heard there are some other blogs talking about abuses from my former PDI leadership “team.”
Mmmm…. Sounds like a divine appointment. No… don’t clap your hands.
I know that is my story… but…
But… I’m an apostle with very important things to do. I know Paul fought his detractors in Corinth. I know he argued against the folly of the Galatians. But that isn’t what apostolic authority is about. It is about important things.
I’m above all that fighting … No, the Brownsville Blog apostles validated me. I’m affirmed.
>listening<
I know… I started that group. I laid the foundation. And now they are getting chewed up and spit out. But I have very important things to deal with here at the local church. I have to guard the prophesy mic, and make sure the blog ministers in waiting are “oversighted.”
>listening<
Well, Cha Ahn … doesn’t do anything either.
But they kicked me out. It’s not my response-
Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?
Apostles you are, the ministry you claim,
by Fame you left, lively hood in tact
PDI Creator, Leader of the mass
Appointed by God, but you let it pass?
Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?
Did you cover the souls from PDI days?
But leave the sheep in profound malaise
Apostolic authority, good for the church,
What does it mean, when you leave in a lurch
Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?
The fraud of covering do we really see?
You benefit from reverence given to thee.
Paul fought Peter to his face,
Gentiles access to the heavenly race.
(Sing it with me now)
Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?
That was hilarious!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!! John… (or should I call you The Authoratah?)
This is GREAT! 🙂 And also very intriguing…
John,
Your mind amazes me.
If we met in a pub (not that I would frequent such a place 🙂 ), I’d walk in and say: “I’ll have whatever he’s having”.
Now I know what I’ve been doing wrong all this time… pronouncing it “aw-thor-i-TEE”!
Excellent snarkification, Your Apostleness. May your tongue remain sharp and your mind feast on the finest fare. Or the other way around.
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Hello. I have been reading up on SGM. After reading about people’s experience with SGM I thought that the problem with SGM is their charismatic/third wave theology. I listened to a while back an SGM conference audio where a person makes the case for current day apostles, but with a little “a”. From what I have read it basically sounds like SGM takes the continuation of apostles very seriously and it sounds like they regard Mahaney as an apostle. And I think this is confirmed because they used to call the leadership of the SGM the “Apostolic Team”. This would then made alot of sense of why people are complaining about the “lording it over” or controlling style of spiritual leadership in SGM. It makes total sense. From your experience is the SGM style of leadership the “Don’t touch or question the Lord’s annointed” kind of leadership? This kind of hyper spiritualized/controlling type of leadership is also common in other charismatic/third wave/pentecostal circles. They use terms and ideas such as “spiritual covering”. Do you know if SGM believes in impartations (the practice of laying hands on a person to give them a spiritual gift or give them the annointing)?
From reading some of the posts from the past on this website the style of leadership (apostles) in SGM sounds like the same thing as in what is known as the New Apostolic Reformation with Peter Wagner, Dutch Sheets, Chuck Pierce and many other well known third wavers. It sounds like the same kind of “you better listen to and obey the apostle or else….” stuff. I found if surprising that PDI/SGM had people who were a part of it in the early days who are presently involved in the New Apostolic Reformation stuff. Do you know if people such as Bob Jones, Paul Cain and such were regarded by SGM as being ‘apostles’ or ‘prophets’?
Hey Brian,
Welcome and thanks for reading.
Let me address your comments like this:
I address the source and evolution of their doctrine with some detail in my book Blight in the Vineyard. A book available on amazon but while there are some hold over elements of the charismatic movement within their theology the source of their oppressive practices is directly tied to their Resurgent Calvin/Puritan doctrine.
They do . . .sort of. Dispensational theology implicit to Calvinism undermines their commitment to apostolic callings specifically … hence their hedge by calling them apostolic TEAMS.
No … their justifications are different, and much more undermining. There is nothing “hyper Spiritial’ in the SGM ideology that is often equated with the Word of Faith, Assemblies of God, Pentecostal strains of Christianity that elevate a given preacher to something akin to a sacred oracle. I will say it again, the core of SGM tyrannical bent is directly tied to its overt commitment to Calvinism.
SGM uses this concept as well … and part of the reason I wrote an article on that very doctrinal fraud.
They used to… but I don’t think they do any more… Or maybe I should say the determinism deeply imbedded within their Puritan construct makes laying on of hands merely a church going affectation. But it has been years since I’ve witnessed their practice. When I was in attendance they most certainly did practice this sacrament.
There are very definitely sub strains of authoritarian movements within Modern American Piety. I attended a church many years ago where Dutch Sheets was a pastor and that assembly had very similar overtones. But as I mentioned above the leading source of SGM’s insanity is tied to their Neo Reformed doctrine.
As for who they considered and apostle …. Well… first, I’m not a SGM Doctrinal historian. Second they have been all over the doctrinal map during their 30 plus years in existence. It is possible that others could tell you who they venerated and for what reasons. But I wouldn’t put to much stock in that.
The leadership, and CJ Mahaney specifically shows no loyalty to anyone who ultimately ends up on the other side of his considered judgment. If he likes you today doesn’t mean he will like you tonight … and he won’t be shy about telling everyone that you are no longer worthy of consideration. Object lesion Joshua Harris. It is my current understanding (after decades of grooming a Paul and Timothy relationship) CJ and Joshua are on the outs. So… C J’s past associations have little to do with his current doctrinal feng shui.
Hello John. Although I don’t have the experience that you seem to have with SGM I don’t think their problems have to do with their Neo Reformed doctrine. If they were Reformed wouldn’t their local churches be autonomous and elder led without outside interference? I think it’s comes down to the typical NAR/third wave/shepherding/covering stuff and not Neo Reformed stuff. That’s the idea I get when reading the complaints.
Hey Brian,
Trying to reduce authentic Neo Calvinist theology to an ecclesiastical plumb line is a common response to my assertion. Most defenders of the resurgent Reformed Theology camp tend to defend purist doctrine with this variation of the True Scotsman logical fallacy, which follows the form “If SGM were TRUE Reformed Theology they would practice X.” In this instance the X is always a failure of church government. If SGM were truly part of the Neo Calvinist camp they would have the ecclesiology of (fill in the blank). This argument ignores the whole scope of Calvinist doctrine, by effectively nit picking at relatively trivial outworking of the doctrine.
A “failure” of church government is an easy whipping boy for substantive failures of doctrine, because it deliberately ignores the cause and effect between doctrine and government. The logic is: “if only they had the right church government, they wouldn’t do bad things.” I contend that this rationalization is exactly backwards. Doctrine is not driven by government, doctrine is the justification for government.
I wrote Reform or Not to Reform to address this very logical failing.
I’ve consistently said that the authoritarian overtones within Christianity are pervasive and however oppressive Peter Wagoner or Dutch Sheets or a host of other similar Preachers organizations might be, they are all kindergarteners when compared to Calvin. When Peter and Dutch get around to burning heretics at the stake, (i.e. Michael Servitus) then maybe we can discuss the corrupting nature of their full philosophical system. Until then they are vague foot notes in the endless tides of Protestant Christianity.
Hey John. Thanks for the replies. I agree with you when you say doctrine is the justification for government or put another way doctrine is what shapes or results in a particular type of church government (or beliefs directly inform practice) but I don’t think the Calvin comparison is true. First let me say I don’t know much about Calvin. The reason I don’t think the Calvin comparison is true because I don’t hear of modern Reformed pastors treating their congregation or their church members the way pentecostals,charismatics and third wavers do. I think it is directly connected to whatever is being imparted or given to people through the laying on of hands and the belief in modern day apostles/shepherding ideas/covering. From what I have seen, although it’s not much, when a church receives any kind of impartation from the third wave crowd soon the leadership style will change. The leadership of the church will become ‘bossy’ or authoritarian.
Hey Brian….
Ok, well, Alakazam poof then. Not really much to say to that.
If you can actually find an overarching commitment to third wave theology by the SGM theological movers and shakers, then by all means I’d like to hear it. If you actually do find it I’ll have to re write my book, so give me a heads up.