By John Immel

I found Eric “Phenomenal” Simmon’s commentary on Bloggers here

I remember Eric “Phenomenal” Simmons at the then CLC/PDI when he was but a wee tyke.  Okay… so he was a teenager… and then a 20 something…  Just go with it… K?

Eric “Phenomenal” Simmons is a pastor of one sort or another at Sovereign Grace Ministries AKA SGM.

(Pssssttt… Eric… dude, you’ve got waaaayyyy too much hair… gotta shave it off if you ever wanna make it to the top.)

Anyway… Travis, resident blogger source for the article, introduced this on his site like this:

UPDATE: On Friday, March 14th, Eric Simmons spoke to the singles at Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD. You can download the MP3 of his talk, but what I find most interesting is this particular quote (beginning at the 13:49 mark):

I’m also concerned because at this point in time, we are at the pinnacle of the Information Age. You can in an instant find tons of information on any subject you want on Google. Do you realize that Google allows you to be one step away from a lot of heresies?

There are a lot of heretics out there with a lot of false teachings that have blogs. And it’s phenomenal to me in our age now, that what is represented on the Internet is now seen as fact, and authority, and truth! And the reality? Most of these guys who are writing blogs are 24-year-old guys living in their moms’ basement, sitting there in their underwear! That’s what they’re doing! They’ve got a robe on, and they’re just typing away. And they’re typing away their false teaching, which is honestly a bunch of garbage.

It’s out there! It’s just one click away.

*    *     *

I posted a response on Travis’s blog and I cannot resist posting it here!  (with some modest additions) See… told you I was non posse non ornery!

Phenomenal: Very remarkable; extraordinary; amazing; Perceptible by the senses through immediate experience

Well… if that is the definition of phenomenal, then it might apply to me.  >snicker<

Hang on a sec…

>listening…<

Mom?  … No, we’re on high alert here… I’ve got a blog post to write!  Tyranny to poke at!  Tyrants to barbeque!

Uh… er … sorry. She gets like that sometimes.

Anyway…  Mr. Eric “Phenomenal” Simmons is concerned that all are one click away from mucho heresies. (A little Spanish lingo there for you.) Well, I suppose we could go back to the days of mass illiteracy like say oh… the 15th century when good ol’ Johnny C wrote his Institutes. I figure that might have kept folks from getting bit by the Boogieman of bad ideas–

Uno momento por favor…. just thought of something…..

Mom!  Mom!  Hey… could you turn the heat on …

What?  No… I don’t want any birthday cake,  Mom!  The heat… could you turn it on?

>listening…<

Never mind…

Okay… so where was I?

Mr. Eric “Phenomenal” Simmons was saying something: “You can in an instant find tons of information on any subject you want on Google. Do you realize that Google allows you to be one step away from a lot of heresies?”

Really? That is phenomenal. Can you imagine the wonder of technology? And ohh… the danger! Heretics abound EVERYWHERE!!!! So don’t Google anything! Even better don’t go on the Internet. Or, even better, don’t be around anything electric so the temptation doesn’t overwhelm you to read those naked guys’ writing garbage. Stay away from the Eeeeevilll post adolescences who have immersed themselves in biblical errors when their not playing Xbox 360 Bioshock. (BTW: I played Bioshock … harvested the little sisters and rescued them and it was the SAME. Oh, the moral relativism! Ayn Rand, Immanuel Kant would be so proud. Woe to us all!!!)

Anyway…

Mr. Eric “Phenomenal” Simons said: “And it’s phenomenal to me in our age now, that what is represented on the Internet is now seen as fact, and authority, and truth!”

And what is phenomenal to moi is that a bunch of thinkers in the 15th century got access to the printing press and THEY are fact, authority, and truth. Ohhhh… the irony!

The Swiss Brethren and the Catholics of old are still rolling in their grave, that those Reformed folks got to the printing press before they could burn it down.

I can hear Johann Eck’s sermons of old:  “I’m also concerned because at this point in time, we are at the pinnacle of the Information Age. For those of Thee who can read, thou are’t now able to find tons of information on any subject thou wants.  Does’t thou realize that the printing press allows thee to be one page away from the Reformed heresies?

“Abundant heretics with manifold false teachings that have door posts… they post Thesis on 95, 97, and points without number!

“It’s phenomenal to me that what is represented on door posts in Germany is now seen as fact, and authority, and truth!

“And the reality? Most of these door posters are 24-year-olds living in their mother’s basements, sitting there in their knickers!

“That’s what they’re doing! They’ve got a robe on, and they’re just pressing out Theses with 95 points propagating their false teaching, which is honestly a bunch of refuse!

“It’s out there! It’s just one door post away!

>listening…<

No, I still can’t feel the heat … Mom.  Did you turn it on? Yes, the button that says heat. Ha ha the cake will melt if I don’t blow alllll  the candles out…  Ha ha ha

>mumbling<  But how old does that make you?

I didn’t say anything… it was nothing.  Never mind….

No, Mom, don’t come down stairs… just don’t… Mom. Stay upstairs. You don’t wanna see something phenomenal!!!!

John Immel


He's a generally ornery pot string iconoclast that loves to make people think. He's harmless (well, mostly harmless). And don't forget lovable in an affectionately blunt sort of way. Whatever your first feelings, read and listen long enough and you will come to agree with him.


  • John Immel says:

    Steve… that is awesome!!!!   This is me laughing a LOT!

  • Butterfly says:

    Steve,

    Sadly, I think from the circle I was in that they think women not men should stay at home under “authority” until they are married and then be under “husbands” authority.  After all, this makes the possibility of them staying submissive and under control once married. It is best that women don’t go to college and don’t learn to think for themselves or make decisions on their own. What I like best about this strategy is that if they are ever widowed it can be that much more overwhelming and difficult to manage having never been on their own.  Good night my Lords…BFly

  • I’m 40, and I blog in my Yodaroos with my lightsaber mouse and hamster running around on my desk while I eat Ramen and read Chick tracts while sipping Yoo-Hoo and wearing Bullwinkle slippers.

    Honestly.

    Simmons heard this on liberal talk radio and is trying to repackage it by bringing an observation by bringing the Gospel into it and make it God Glorifying  by… wait, it’s NONE of that.
    …pk

  • Butterfly says:

    PK,

    The bullwinkle slippers are a perfect touch!

    I find it interesting that church members are suppossed to take Eric’s word and just beleive that all the blogs are written by heretics and all that SGM states is perfected doctrine that is more holy than that of any other church. What is interesting is that as Christians we are to weigh all we hear by the Word of God – including what we hear at church. But they have everyone in a state of awe that makes them think they should just believe everything they hear because of the pure doctrine “claim” they hold. Jesus was considered a heretic when on this earth and he didn’t have any bullwinkle slippers and he was Truth. In those days I am sure there were people that just beleived what the Pharisees said in an effort to be holy and obedient and as a result didn’t show up for Jesus’ teachings and missed the chance to see God.

  • Butterfly:

    Sadly, I think from the circle I was in that they think women not men should stay at home under “authority” until they are married and then be under “husbands” authority.

    Well if that is the case, I guess Eric Simmons isn’t as contradictory since he said the bloggers were male and not female.  I am sure he would found another way to discredit the female bloggers unless they are writing on feminine topic.

  • John, you have managed to combine Underoos truth and the naked truth.

    Some said it couldn’t be done, but I am glad to see it with my own two eyes.

    Thanks.

  • Mom!!! …
    I told you not to put those pics out on Facebook. Now everyone is gonna see the Underoos truth!

    >snicker<

    PS… Marshall… thanks… and welcome to the party.
    .-= John Immel´s last blog ..Namaste Nemesis =-.

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