I Will Give You … Covering

By John Immel

Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you…covering.

As of today, I have decided that I want be all y’alls covering. That is right… today is the day. I am officially, in all my self-appointed glory, the effective “covering” for everybody.

I’m a leader. I’m spiritual. I figure hey… I can do this. I can be a covering.

What does that mean? Well, not sure exactly. It seems that the content of covering is dependent on what the given church sells… oops… emphasizes. And since I want to be all things to all men, my spiritual pedigree will remain open. Don’t want to offend anyone after all. I am a universal covering.

(Not to be confused with our resident Universalist.)

>snicker<

If those desiring covering are Reformation Theology types–like Sovereign Grace Ministries–then the “covering” is really called “oversight” and the content my “oversight” will be an  assurance that you will have right believing. You will have access to the purest of Theology and I will singlehandedly prevent you from being snared by bad thinking, or really, really bad thinking: AKA heresy.

If you are a Charismatic/Word of Faith/Pentecostal Church, like the now defunct Living Word Church in Middletown Ohio, then the content of covering is a little more obscure.  The covering is like an insurance policy against Satan’s attack.

Regardless of denomination, there is a loose logic that covering is somehow proof against deception, and deception usually results in sin. So, ergo, if you are part of my blog, you will have my ‘covering’–you will not be deceived and you will sin less.

I won’t ever say explicitly that if you submit yourself to my “covering/oversight,” you will sin less. But I will certainly let you believe that your righteous action is directly related to your relationship with me. What is the biblical standard for my doctrine? Well, never mind that just now. It doesn’t really matter. And since I’m a leader, and I’m spiritual, I am uniquely qualified to tell you what the bible says. So… just go with it.

Okay. Now that you have come to me, your friendly neighborhood Reformed Theology guru…oops, pastor, and submitted to my  oversight, magically you believe everything just right. Right? Don’t you feel better?

Actually, this is a pretty cool job. As a Reformed Theology guru, I live in a perfect world. Your believing has nothing to do with my oversight specifically. (I won’t say this out loud though.) If you don’t persevere in the truth, then it is because of God’s limited Atonement. Your correct believing is a product of God’s direct imputation of saving grace… so what you believe has nothing to do with human agency, but is the sole provision of divine election. So, I don’t have to be terribly concerned with what you believe… not really.  (Some of my Reformed Bretheren get real bent out of shape about bad doctrine… not sure how to help them see the light of this really cool gig,)

Anyway, as for your sinning ways… this is a breeze. There is no such thing as sinning LESS. Ever. All I have to do is remind you that your motives are mixed and your actions are impure…Your very self-motive is at its core sin.

You’re a sinner. You’re a sinner. You’re a sinner. See…how good a job I’m doing oversighting you? Oh, wait. You just hit a hard time. I empathize. I am compassionate, but God is Sovereign. While you’re at it, you can sacrificially give to me?

Ehem…..

Okay. Now you decide that you’ve received the baptism of the Spirit and “Religion” has kept from you the full gospel.

I’ve got you covered. I’m a charismatic now. I can talk and talk, and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk …about the devil. “Everybody raise your bibles and shake them at the devil… make him mad. You don’t wrestle with flesh and blood after all…”   See, one puts a thousand to flight, two puts 10,000 to flight.

Feel better already, don’t you, under my covering. I can do this job. There are fewer devils attacking you right this minute. Oh, I won’t ever say that specifically but, you know, even if I can’t prove there are fewer devils, can you risk it? The devil is roaring about like a lion seeking who he can devour. Better hedge your bets.

And what of your sinning ways… it’s the devil’s fault, it’s the devil’s fault, it’s the devil’s fault. Pray harder. Have more faith. See… How good a job I’m doing covering you. Oh, wait. You just hit a hard time. I empathize. I am compassionate. The devil’s fiery darts are trying to destroy your faith. It’s the devil’s fault. Oh, wait. Are you a God-robber? Maybe that is why the devil is getting to you. You need to tithe to me.

I can do this. It doesn’t matter what your spiritual pedigree is. Let me cover you. And your life will be all better. I promise… and if it’s not… I will tell you that God’s Sovereignty appointed the hardship of demonic attack to reveal that your faith is weak, and you haven’t done spiritual warfare correctly and it’s all the Devil’s fault.  And, while you’re at it, give sacrificially to me, you God-robber.