“I’m just saying,” Rumpelstiltskin said, “it was only right that I should raise the kid. I can provide endless gold to buy food. I work for a living. What was that ridiculous woman going to do? Sell her second born to feed the first? But I am the antagonist because I am clever? I am the bad guy because I can really do what I said? I am the villain because I wanted paid? I even wrote the contract with an escape clause. They guessed my name, and I am the one who honored the deal.”
Miss Muffet hid behind Rumpelstiltskin.
“Rumpelstiltskin is smart, anyone who can spin straw into gold is a sharp cookie. Uh… err.”
Miss Muffet climbed on Rumpelstiltskin’s shoulders.
“Miss, your tuffet is most certainly in the way. Listen Miss Muffet, here is what I want you to see. Listen to what the Gingerbread Man said again. ‘It’s not his fault that his IQ is 20 pounds heavier or that I’m uneducated…’
“Miss Muffet, you need to be still so you can pay attention. The Gingerbread Man has framed the conversation so that it doesn’t matter if Rumpelstiltskin’s IQ is a thousand pounds or two pounds. It doesn’t matter if his IQ only qualifies him to lick windows. Notice this:
‘No one taught me this. I had no religious influence growing up. Approximately 3 weeks after I became a believer I found this. This is not a product of the reformation but God’s Holy Word. Simple and Pure. […]
‘If you feel the need to make this concept very, very complex, I’m all ears.’
That was when Miss Muffet ran away. But Little Jack Horner came out of his corner, eating a plumb on his thumb.
“This is what he’s really saying,” said Rumpelstiltskin, “Run, run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me! I’m the Gingerbread Man! I’m not smart, but I see what is the truth of simplicity.”
“I’m a good boy,” said Jack.
“There are no good boys,” said Rumpelstiltskin, “Because there is no GOOD. So don’t worry about thinking and just eat, you wretched sinner.”
While Jack was busy eating, Rumpelstiltskin thought to himself about how to respond to the Gingerbread logic. He didn’t know if it was a logical fallacy, but it should be.
He diagrammed it in his head:
Truth = X
X = simple (pure)
Truth = Simple
Which by default means: complex (cannot equal) truth.
“But complexity does not magically disappear because someone declares simplicity Truth,” said Rumpelstiltskin.
“I’m a good boy,” said Jack.
Rumpelstiltskin decided he needed to think hard so he stripped out of his underoos to keep them from getting in the way. He sat on his tuffet pedestal, chin on fist. But then he saw the three little pigs, so he got dressed.
Hay Pig started gathering hay for his house. “I’ll make us comfortable in a minute,” he said.
Stick Pig sat down on his tuffet to relax. “Give me a second. I’m winded.”
Brick Pig set up a workbench and pulled out his abacus and slide rule. He started making notes on some plans.
“Gingerbread logic gives people a powerful tool,” said Rumpelstiltskin to whoever would listen. “It preemptively disqualifies all coefficients. Think of it this way: The logic applied to the equation (7x)2 = 4Y +3Z2 magically renders the equation: