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Jun 15 2008

MODESTY CHECK FOR MEN

What follows is a guest post from Concerned http://ikissedsgmgoodbye.blogspot.com/.  Posted here with Concerned’s permission. I love it.  It is either a great bit of intellectual satire or pointed, effective, social commentary on a serious Christian double standard.  And Double Standards are really tyranny in disguise. Read… enjoy.

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Here is my own version of Carolyn Mahaney’s “Modesty Check for Women”. Many SGM women are subjected to this list during their membership in SGM. I always fought against the legalistic and condemning spirit behind this – and the implication that women alone are to blame for men lusting. Time to take the chains off ladies – and realize that we each give an account to God – check yourt hearts of course and don’t be foolish in your dress, but don’t be legalistic about it. In all things balance and moderation. We are free in Christ, and if the Spirit of God does not condemn you for your dress, don’t let SGM, Carolyn Mahaney, or anyone else do it! That is the letter of the law that KILLS, but the Spirit gives life!

MODESTY CHECK FOR MEN
Start with a Heart Check…”How does a man discern the sometimes fine line between admiring a woman with appreciation for her beauty and lusting after her physically? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A man should examine his motives and goals as he looks upon women of all ages. Is his intent to glorify God for the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshipping God through this appreciation of woman? Or is it self-focused on giving him personal pleasure, feasting his eyes on her physcial attributes? A man who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how he is looking at other women, because his heart will dictate how he views her wardrobe and appearance.”

In addition, men should take careful note of what they themselves wear. Many women are visually stimulated as well, or in some cases, through smell, sounds, etc.
What statement do women’s clothes reveal about my heart as a man?

Do I find myself angered by women who are dressed immodestly? Do I judge them for this?

Do I give less or more grace to those in the “household of faith” who are dressed in a manner that shows their body more, vs. women who are unbelievers?

Do I treat the women who are dressed immodestly differently than those who are?

Do my clothes hinder or promote the preaching and proclaiming of the gospel? Wearing what I am wearing, would my clothing be a distraction from the spoken Word?

Have I asked my own wife or sisters in the Lord (if I am single) to evaluate my own wardrobe?

Before you leave the house, do a modesty check. (What are some things you’ll look for as you stand in front of your mirror?)

Do I have any tattoos? If so, they should be covered up. Some women are really turned on by tattoos.
Am I wearing a turtle neck sweater or glasses that makes me look intellectual? For women who are stimulated emotionally by intellectual types, remove the glasses and get contacts. Get rid of the turtleneck for a button down.

Am I wearing a sleeveless shirt that shows my underarm hair? Some women are turned on by the smell of sweat and hairiness of men. I need to put on a good deodorant, and wear sleeves.

Am I showing chest hair at all? Many women find chest hair to be manly. Others find it repulsive. Since you do not know what turns women on it is best to cover up completely, although avoid a turtle neck for the reasons listed above. A simple polo-style shirt buttoned up to the top would suffice.

Moving on down…
Are my jeans too tight in the groin or buttocks regions? Many women can be distracted if the jeans are too tight and cause the material to “pull” and reveal my manly physique. It is a sign of virility and women who are turned on by this will be caused to stumble.

Do my “six pack abs” show when reaching over my head? Conversely, do my love handles show? Women can be turned on my either. Don’t show mid-sections!

And as for shorts and pants – I can’t just check them standing up. I need to see how much they reveal and pull when I sit down. If I see too much groin or buttocks, I need a looser pair. But not so loose that my underwear shows from the backside. I should always wear a belt to keep my shirt tucked in, covering my mid-section, buttocks, and groin adequately with loose fitting shorts or pants.

When I sit, do I sit slumped down, with my legs sprawled open, drawing attention to my groin area? Posture is important.

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    1. 21
      Joeski

      I think most of you missed the part about intent of the heart. I attend a church where some of the younger women show up looking like they are ready for the local night club. How do I know what the women wear at the local night club?  I wasn’t always a Christian; I used to look forward to seeing what the women were wearing at the night club! I knew I would see someone in something too tight, too revealing, too short.  Clothing that was worn specifically to draw attention.  I’m now a Christian and I take responsibility for my thoughts, words and deeds. However, I really believe that we must not throw out stumbling blocks before our brothers and sisters in Christ and especially not in front of unbelievers.  Yes, we are all different and we have different things which we are attracted to.  That’s not an excuse to say that men/women are going to lust anyway so my clothing shouldn’t matter.   I think it’s necessary to always pray and ask for God to continue to guide us in our thoughts words and deeds.  Things which weren’t an issue for me now are because Christ continues to grow me and show me how I should carry myself at all times; not just at church.  Where do you draw the line? Wherever Christ says to draw it.  And He definitely will draw it if you ask .  I’ve seen the change in many of our young people and even a few of our older members as well. They didn’t change because someone beat them up over their dress and appearance; it was because of biblical principles, especially love.  Loving someone to explain God’s word in its entirety, not just the happy stuff, is having true love for your brother or sister.

    2. 22
      John Immel

      Joeski…
       
      I haven’t seen you here before. Welcome. 
       
      You realize this was satire right? 
       
      >snicker<

    3. 23
      Tom

      An old post, but interesting to me. There are usually two ditches one can fall into when considering an issue, and the “It’s all the woman’s fault” ditch is no better or worse than the “It’s all the man’s fault” ditch.
      In truth, some prostitutes make more money because they dress more seductively. Some barflies have a better pick of men than others for the same reason. Dressing to accentuate one’s beauty is one thing. Dressing like a successful prostitute or barfly is not the same thing AT ALL.
      The dress style of a successful prostitute is a marketing statement. And btw that is a marketing statement which should not be made by a daughter of God. Period.
      However, who gets to draw the line? Who decides what getup is seductive and what is merely accentuating one’s beauty? These are probably best left to a case-by-case “Matthew 18″ style of correction, because a woman who dresses seductively probably fits into one of two patterns: 1) she has recently quit being a barfly/prostitute and does not understand the need to tone it down or 2) she actually IS a seductress, and behaves seductively also. In the first case, she is ignorant and probably would be grateful for pointers from loving sisters. In the second case, she is a ticking time bomb and if not corrected is eventually going to do damage to the Body. In either case, she needs to be corrected in Love. Not gossiped about or harassed.
      A woman who does not fit one of these two patterns should not be harassed for her natural beauty.
      This formulation avoids both ditches. IMHO

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    1. 24
      Men and Modesty | mygrandmalife

      […] stiletto-heeled temptresses in Sunday school, but let’s be fair about this whole modesty gig: it ain’t just a girl-thang. Like this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

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