Ducks, Bar, Man, Pastor

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By John Immel

So a duck in a mask walks into a bar and says, “Got any bread?”

(Stop me if you’ve heard this one.)

The barman says, “No.”

The duck jingles his spurs says, “Got any bread?”

And the barman, “NO!”

The Cavendish Gang said different. “Got any bread?”

“I said N-O, NO!”

Tonto said different. “Got any bread?”

“For crying out loud N-O spells NO and I mean NO!”

The Lone Ranger had friends. “Got any bread?”

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO”

The townspeople were pansies. “Got any bread?”

“Look, if you ask me one more time if I have got any bread, I’m going to nail your beak to the bar!”

“Got any nails?”

“No.”

“Got any bread?”

*    *    *

Oh, the furry of being powerless.

So a masked  man walks into a church and says, “You’ve got it all wrong.”

(Stop me if you’ve heard this one.)

The pastor says, “No, I don’t”

The man says, “You’re not running this church right.”

And the pastor says, “Yes, I am. I’ve got singles ministry?”

“You’re not doing it right!”

“I’ve got counseling?”

“You’re not doing it right!”

“I’ve got elderly ministry!”

“You’re not doing it right.”

“I’ve got Youth Ministry!”

“I’ve got doctrine.”

“You’re not doing it right.”

“Look, if you don’t be quiet and just sit down, I’m going to tell God you’re not listening to me. If you don’t do what I’m saying, God won’t do anything with you.”

“Oh, yeah. Where’s He at?”

“Well, I don’t know, but that’s what’s going to happen.”

“You’re not running this church right”

*    *    *

Get it?

John Immel


He's a generally ornery pot string iconoclast that loves to make people think. He's harmless (well, mostly harmless). And don't forget lovable in an affectionately blunt sort of way. Whatever your first feelings, read and listen long enough and you will come to agree with him.


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