Sovereign Grace

Pay No Attention to the Doctrine Behind the Curtain

 By John Immel

(For those of you who don’t care about the specifics of the SGM phenomena, give me a minute. This is going somewhere.)

 Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead.

Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!

Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.

Wake up – sleepy head

Rub your eyes, get out of bed.

Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead.

She’s gone where the goblins go,

Below – below – below. Yo-ho,

let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out.

Ding Dong’ the merry-oh,

sing it high,

sing it low.

Let them know

The Wicked Witch is dead! 

So some time has passed since Vicar Charles Joseph headed off to sit in the bad preacher doghouse. Rumor has it that the doghouse has traveled to other states and other countries south of the border where he is speaking in behalf of the very church he said he should not be leading. Or maybe that was just the local church he had committed grave sins against, and the universal church is fair game for his metaphysical mayhem.  

Anyway, for a few days the blogging world tried to hum a few bars of the song in the Wizard of Oz: “Ding Dong, the Witch Is Dead.” People seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief: “See, we really aren’t crazy!  It really is bad in Sovereign Grace Ministries.  It really is!”  

Joshua Harris, beta big dog for the SGM Vatican in Gaithersburg, Maryland, took to the plexiglass podium and admitted that yes, there were grave sins in the church. It really was as bad as it seemed. We don’t answer fools, but God was disciplining US because He loved US.  

SGM admitting they are wrong?  Why, how could it be?  

People broke out in group hugs, speaking of grace and love and mercy and nodding sagely as people thought this was God finally showing up. Why, if the CJ Mini Me was willing to say it was bad, very bad, then surely this was a sign that the bucket of WikiLeaks in the face had really worked:  

“Ding Dong the Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!”  

Armed with ruby slippers, a flood of outrage-filled articles poured forth taking El Primo Doctrinal Mover and Shaker to task. If it wasn’t for his faulty Bible interpretation, his Bible proof-texting, a host of church polity mishaps, and his temerity for seeking to place himself in the same category as John Calvin, all these thing would not have happened. 

“Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.” 

SGM WikiLeaks seemed to embolden a few more victims to take their story public: yet another story of molestation swept under the pervasive depravity rug and another parent villainized for a lack of love and grace and forgiveness showed up on www.sgmsurvivors.com. Rumor has it that this story hit very, very close to SGM Vatican home. The CLC faithful were summoned to a members’ only meeting. The women are in an uproar; the men are scratching their heads trying to figure out how to proof-text their masculinity to get their theologically deficient wives back in line. The pastors are doing their gossip and slander two-step all the while woeing and tumulting about the great sinfulness of man and the great evils of human ego. 

“Wake up – sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.” 

With only a few exceptions—from those on the “anti-SGM” side of the blogging world—Brent Detwiler was heralded as a hero with the pooper-scooper for the SGM dirt and applauded for his courage to face down the green-faced villain of Gaithersburg, Maryland.  

“Don’t you talk mean about Brent! Don’t you dare remember he was one of them for decades! Brent, please come in. Yes, make yourself at home. You are one of US now.  Besides, we need you to tell us we are OK. We can’t know anything unless a pastor makes it clear for us. We can’t understand what is really happening unless a leader tells us. We are so confused. Can we get you some hot cocoa?  Yes, tell us how hurt you are. We are very hurt. So you must be hurt. Brent, tell us where you hurt. Is it in your heart? Is it in your soul?  We are hugging you.  Brent?  Brent?  Brent, aren’t you going to tell us?” 

Denigration of those dastardly bloggers in their underwear daring to speak ill of SGM leaders all but forgotten, Brent slid into the kiddie end of the cyber pool ready to take his side of the story public. Floaties firmly around his arms, like God before Balaam, the very blogs he denounced for a failure of attitude, and gossip and slander became his voice to the world.  See! I’m not apostate! I’m not evil!  I did it right! But CJ, this is all his doing!  It’s him! 

“Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.” 

When a house didn’t drop on his head for the rational larceny of joining the blogging world, Brent was encouraged to take his kiddy pool backstroke into the lap lanes. With the debut of brentdetwiler.com, he came out splashing; the mist was felt all over the blogosphere. Tim Challies took his blogging towel to Rat Fink Brent D concerning his documents; yet another Neo-Reformed shill weighing in on the general impropriety of reading the leaky PDFs. Rat Fink Brent D defended himself by pointing out that “two anti-SGM blogs” had been in existence for years before the documents, so he really didn’t have a personal vendetta.  

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Sovereign Grace

Montgomery County Kissy Face

SGM and MDCo Preachers

sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love.

Then comes marriage.

Then comes carnage that no one disparage.

That would be Montgomery County Maryland, the home of the manifest evil Sovereign Grace Tyrannies; just so there is no confusion.

Keep your pucker on, boys, it suits you! Or is it ignorance that suits you? Well, it has to be self -imposed ignorance because it is impossible that people living in Montgomery County Maryland and the surrounding metroplex do not know of CLC/PDI/SGM. If the church is even a little bit contemporary, I’d lay odds that half of the praise and worship roster was written by someone at Sovereign Grace Tyrannies.

I am talking to you, pastors in the DC Metroplex, and for that matter, all you church “leaders”–any county, any state, any country–where Sovereign Grace Tyrannies are perpetrated and the spiritual carnage limps into your counseling sessions for some serious triage. You KNOW the stories.

So here is the question: where are YOU? Puckering up at the SGM backside?

Noel’s Story… kiss, kiss, kiss

Jim and Carol’s Story… kiss, kiss, kiss

Free Bird’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

Keith’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

musicman’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

Butterfly’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

Julie’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

db’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

Kim’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

Ryan’s…kiss, kiss, kiss

The list goes on, and on, and on. Stories PLURAL that have been shared on www.sgmsurvivors.com …kiss, kiss, kiss

And more stories on www.sgmrefuge.com … kiss, kiss, kiss.

Despicable account of husbands more interested in the affirmations of men than the love and loyalty and counsel of their wives; single moms browbeaten into “Disciplining” their children absent context or consideration for the child’s mental, emotional, or spiritual struggles.  Children abused and perpetrators shielded in the name of forgiveness.   Whispers of Suicides, people who’ve despaired their interactions to the point of death, covered up and marginalized. People confronted with extraordinary pain and suffering, counseled that seeking help and healing was a function of their sin and selfish deception. Repeated accounts where the pursuit of “sound doctrine” is the primary source of family splits: doctrine is the highest importance and of no consequence depending on pastoral purpose. Submission is equated with personal transparency and Authority is the power to dictate personality. Young men with callings railroaded out the door of the church for the smallest perceived doctrinal failings–all profound alleged tales of absolute Sovereign Grace Tyranny’s pastoral oppression.

“But those stories didn’t happen in Montgomery County Maryland…”

Oh, cut it out.

Pastors are notoriously nosy, rooting around in people’s lives if it suits their purpose. We have entire doctrines that mandate pew-sitter transparency to leadership temerity. And don’t pretend for a minute that the stories recounted on the blogosphere are not identical to the ones you have heard in your tithe purchased offices. You have heard the stories fresh, seen the tears, seen the frustrations spill out over your church offices–presided over families falling apart, and the lives crumbling under the pressure of being outcast for fantastically twisted reasons, despairing of their very sanity in the mistreatment. And the hallmark is that the elements of the story, the methods employed to bully and silence and manipulate remain stunningly consistent no matter how the names change or the details differ.

And here is the reality. I talked to a number of you MCo MD “leaders” almost a decade ago when I distributed copies of Blight in the Vineyard, way back when most people were too terrified to detail their interaction with then PDI and long before the blogosphere gave enough anonymity for many to start saying Sovereign Grace Ministries sucks and no one was selling T-shirts. When I sat in your office and detailed my own story… and then we talked candidly, you told me of your “concerns” for the consistency of the story and the observed the aftermath.

So what can be the reason for the lip-puckering silence? Is it admiration? Do you look with longing at the multi Million Dollar CLC campus on Muncaster Mill Rd and wish that you could do the same? Have you bought into the notion that they really are the standard? They really have mastered the essence of Christianity? Or is it that you preach your own brand of submission and authority and perpetrate some of the same insanity?  You cannot judge because that would indict you?

Here it is. I am baffled by the absence of you preachers that thump the pulpit regularly for Submission and Authority and Covering and Oversight rushing to champion the cause of the abused masses at the hands of Sovereign Grace Ministries. Here is your golden opportunity to show yourself consistent with your very doctrine.

What do you give in return for the submission of the masses to your considered leadership? What? Be specific? Covering from Bad Ideas?  Covering from Demons? Covering from Wolf Religion?

You are frauds. All of you! Every single last one of you who stand in the pulpit and demand submission for this wonderful spiritual fiction called covering. And when the opportunity to actually cover, actually defend the sheep…what do you do? What actions have you taken?

I am going to keep saying it until one and all see the doctrine of submission and authority and spiritual covering for the fraud that it is. Submission is always a church-member specific action meaning that members are obligated to submit their minds and resources to one guy in one location. Authority is always for the express function of dictating the content of truth and mandating action. Covering NEVER has a church leader specific outcome.

“Don’t date the church…” is really euphemism for “I do Christianity better than anyone else and it is infidelity to go down the street and find out if I’m lying.” Therefore, preachers can never be judged.

This is the heart of the submission and authority doctrine: an excuse to justify sectarianism. The lack of action on the part of MDCo Preachers to get in the game and do some qualitative and quantitative “Covering” is evidence of the fraud and part and parcel for the real motivation behind the doctrine.

Dale O’shields, do you preach submission and authority? Your church is practically next door. How could you not know what is happening? How could you not?

Charles  Schmitt, I know you’ve suffered the stories of tyranny discussed on www.sgmrefuge.com www.sgmsurvivors.com and on occasion here: www.spiritualtyranny.com. I know you have tremendous compassion for those who have suffered under the spiritual tyranny of Sovereign Grace Ministers. I know it meant a lot to you to reconcile with Larry Tomczak and Che Ahn. But how much longer will you be silent? Have you ever preached submission to authority and covering? When will it no longer be enough to just extend compassion to those of have suffered? When will you refuse to be silent? You know the methods these men use to destroy a man, and to crush his will. You’ve suffered this process. You read my book and know the details of their ongoing tyranny. You’ve heard the stories over and over and over. How much longer will you be silent?

Dwayne Brewington. I’ve talked to you. What did you tell me? You just don’t understand the issues? How can you be ignorant of the very body of doctrine that calls you a heretic? I know the doctrine of submission and authority and covering comes out of your pulpit. Ignorance is NO EXCUSE for failing to cover, failing to defend! You have a faith vision for an INTERNATIONAL ministry. How can you not avail yourself to the issues affecting Christians in your own backyard? If you are protecting, if you are covering folks, it is your job to understand the issues. Come on Dwayne, get your faith hommies to put their confession on the line. Show the world that faith is good for something more than the late model Bimmer. You’ve got a faith molehill right over on Muncaster Mill. Get in the game, brother–represent!

Greg Zetts.  How long can you let this disaster persist? I’ve talked to you too. I know you live and die by this doctrine of submission and authority and covering. How many times did the EX-CLCers arrive on your doorstep? How many times did you hear details of the carnage pour from people’s lives?! It isn’t enough to wring your hands and say you’ll pray. How many times did you cover them? You call yourself a Pastor of pastors. What does that mean exactly? How many more sermons on the evils of celebrating Christmas does a congregation need to hear before your “leadership team” gets a sense of proportion? How many times did you show up on CJ’s doorstep asking for an account of the mistreatment? Have you ever?

The only reasons I don’t name more names with more websites is because I have forgotten how many men I approached with copies Blight in the Vineyard long ago losing track of the ignored phone calls or the rebuffs.

How many other pastors in Montgomery County Maryland have turned a blind eye, and a deaf ear, and with a straight face preached that it is your unique place in the body to filter true doctrine and protect the sheep? Have you called “Sound Doctrine” central and demanded an explanation? Have you preached with fervor into CJ Mahaney’s ear about your position of covering and demanded to know what is happening over at SGM gives you great concern?

What is the answer? You can’t be bothered? It isn’t your calling? You don’t feel led?

This is why the whole doctrine of covering and submission is an enormous fiction. These are all excuses. You cannot have it both ways. Get to protecting and covering–i.e. get your timid butt in gear and figure out how to stop the madness. There isn’t anything coming out of that stupid prophecy mic that a 12-year-old shouldn’t be able to discern. If your flock can’t tell the good from the bad yet, another sermon on submission and authority ain’t gonna fix it.

It’s time to step up and address an obvious list of abuses coming from a single ministry in your own backyard.

If not, forever let it be said that you don’t cover anybody except your own backside with those puckered lips.

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Sovereign Grace

Women and Children First

By John Immel

This blog apostle gig is exhausting. I have to talk endlessly about Submission and Authority. I have to figure out how to justify an apostolic authority without an apostolic succession since I’m not Catholic.

And I have to protect all those people with my apostolic authority.

Oh, wait…I can’t say that. Because when it comes time to actually cover someone, where am I?

….

…..

….

You know…screw it…I think I have been too subtle. Let’s try blunt. It turns out that I can’t get my Funny Bone re-attached on this one.

Let’s try ranting, raving flamingly, in your face unapologetic.  Noel told her story on www.sgmsurvivors.com about her three-year-old daughter being molested by a 15-year-old boy in a Sovereign Grace Ministries church, and the ensuing pastoral counseling ordeal that spans YEARS. The boy lies to the pastors about his actions and his evil. The pastors, in a stroke of utter insanity,  play spiritual patty cake with the boy and villainize the parents. Why? What can be the logic? What can be the motive?

I can’t begin to understand the stunning lack of objectivity in the actions of seemingly every Sovereign Grace Ministries “leader” associated with the story. And since every “leader” at SGM keeps note on EVERYBODY, that would leave NOBODY out of the chain of responsibility.

I marvel at the lack of concern for justice: the stunning obfuscation between vengeance and justice. I marvel at the utter impatience with Noel and her husband Grizzly to work through the process of their own grief. I marvel at SGM “leadership” determination from the outset to minimize what this 15-year-old had done.

(What did it matter if the child was asleep while she was being fingered?  What did it matter if she never knew? So if I shoot, say, Robin Boisvert in the head while he’s sleeping, that makes the assault less immoral? Can I be on staff if I don’t call John Owen a sissy? Since I did it while Robin was sleeping, I should be qualified? He never knew after all?)

Larry Tomczak, where the Hell are you, in all your Apostolic Glory? Che Ahn, where are you in all your submission and authority magnificence?

I know WHAT you are. A couple of gutless-wonder charlatans more interested in a form of righteousness and a pathetic need to justify your own existence and not a shred of action that even pretends at the power of apostolic office. I mean what EXACTLY is this Apostolic authority used for? I mean really… isn’t THIS the thing you national SPIRITUAL AMBASSADORS claim to be FOR? Defending? COVERING?  PEOPLE?

You were PRINCIPAL parts of the insanity that has become Sovereign Grace Ministries. You know the inner workings. You both suffered those inner workings. How can you turn a blind eye to the methods: their power and determination to tyrannize? What are you clinging to? Some absurd super spiritual determination for reconciliation?

There is no reconciliation with Sovereign Grace Ministries…there is no reform with evil. Chamberlain already tried that. REMEMBER! There is no brotherly participation with men whose governmental philosophy makes them Elected Official, Police Force, Judge, Jury, and Spiritual Executioner–“Men” who reserve the right to doctrinally enforce ignorance or nosiness depending on how it serves their purpose. “Men” who turn their craven Care Group leaders into the Waffen-SS.  (You care group leaders are no men… go ahead and cut it all off. It’s useless. No wonder you need CJ to tell you how to romance your wives and act like men.) “Men” who reserve the right to make the sin of lying superior to the CRIME of molestation!!

Larry, how does this fail to strike your very manhood? Did CJ keep your testicles in a box when you “signed” your humility letter? You were booted for lying. A 15-year-old recidivistic child molester lies repeatedly about his actions and because he can read Sin and Temptation and speak the CJ speak, he is put in Children’s ministry. Just think of what you COULD have gotten away with. Your 401K and cushy Montgomery County salary could have remained intact if you’d just been willing to say Hail John Calvin and Goose step down Muncaster Mill Rd.

Che Ahn, how can you remain silent?   How can you remain uninvolved?  Or are you hedging your bets by some quiet influence behind the scene?  Or has it not even occurred to you that you bear responsibility?

Where does this collective unwillingness to emphatically and absolutely call Sovereign Grace Ministries a force of evil in the modern world come from? Dozens of stories have been openly shared on www.sgmsurvivors.com and www.sgmrefuge.com of the tyranny and abuse; and the email pour in from others too scared, or too detailed to publish. I marvel at the apologizing and the endless timidity that tries to pass for humble, clement spirituality: the relentless effort to not appear angry or passionate or judgmental.

Bullpucky and nonsense!

We have lost our sense of proportion. Christians will rail en masse about Todd Bentley’s personal failings and his screwy calls for angelic visitation, but we get timid, meek, and mild when stories of stunning abuse and the cover-up of criminal activity are revealed by former members of Sovereign Grace Ministries? All because CJ Mahaney has elevated himself to poster child of humble communication and a demagogue of the Mathew 18 ethic to mean he gets to reconcile with only those who have offended HIM?

Are you JOKING?

The implications here are vast. When Evil can call itself Righteousness and then parade itself with impunity and those defending TRUE Righteousness must apologize for bringing a judgment, humanity is LOST. Christianity has forfeited the right to be called Salt and Light. And PRETEND apostles are revealed for cowardly, gutless, craven, frauds.

Che Ahn, if you have a fivefold calling now you had one then, back when you were a part of PDI, then the calling did not change.  The authority you claim to have NOW is the same authority you should have used to stop the madness.  So, how is it you think you are absolved? What? You think because you are part of a bunch Charismatics dubbing each other Apostles that you have arrived? Is Apostle-ness expressed in word or is it in DEED?

Whatever. Your theologizing is irrelevant.

You are BOTH a couple of gutless frauds. If you can’t speak out openly, publicly, and with moral clarity, and utter, absolute, outrage at the conduct of your “Apostolic Brothers” at Sovereign Grace Ministries, you have forfeited the right to call yourself a lover of righteousness, or covering for people. (And this goes for ALL national “Apostles” that fail to do their job!)

Stay comfy in your apostolic office. Furnish it well with tithes and offerings. Be at ease in your silent cowardice.  Keep covering the asses of all those other “men” who need someone to have spiritual asses covered. You and your butt buddies can guard the prophecy mic… make sure nobody speaks in tongues out of order. That is a very, very, very important apostolic responsibility. Make sure everything is decent and in order. Keep your priorities straight and your reputations pristine. People need to be able to look up to their spiritual coverings after all. Well… in your case look behind, since you are very obviously not in FRONT.

It’s okay… The work of resisting the evil pouring out of the cesspool of SGM is being done.

The women and children are carrying the fight against the misogynistic forces of evil at Sovereign Grace Ministries.  Well, the women and children are carrying carnage.

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Sovereign Grace

Sovereign Grace Motive

By John Immel

Concerned asked me a couple of questions in my post Speaking of Church Polity.  I think the content of the question and the corresponding answer needs its own treatment.

Here is what she asked:

John, in reading some things about the various forms of church government, it seems most “truly” reformed churches adhere to either a congregational or presbyterian form of church government. However, the SGM model is episcopalian it seems (heirarchy: power flows from the top down only)

So here is my question – why do you think SGM tries to pass themselves off as Reformed simply because they are Calvinistic when none of their other beliefs remotely resemble historical reformed theology?

Is is fair to say SGM is Calvinistic but not reformed, even though they call themselves reformed?

*     *     *

I LOVE these questions.  I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THESE QUESTIONS.  LOVE IT.  LOVE IT. LOVE IT.  That means you all are catching on.  These questions show forth that people are actually looking at the content of what the Hair Club for Men claim.  And if you are looking at the content, it becomes very easy to see that the Arena of Ideas they fancy themselves in is NOT as neat and tidy and unarguable as Sovereign Grace Ministries would like to pretend.

Concerned, the heart of your question is WHY? Why does SGM do what they do? Why do they call themselves Reformed when in fact they don’t conform to the content of the Reformed Practice? It is always a bold undertaking to answer about someone else’s motive.  But I’m up to the challenge.

The short answer to why does Sovereign Grace Ministries claim Reformed Status is fear.

No… let me amend. The short answer to why does Sovereign Grace Ministries claim Reformed Status is stone cold, stark terror.

What are they afraid of?  They are afraid that they are not truly authorized to preach, that they really may not be in charge, that they might not have anything to offer, that at the end of the day that they (CJ) might be wrong.

I know… that is a rather bold, generalizing explanation, but given the time and space, I’m pretty sure that I can lay out the parts and pieces of their overriding preoccupation.

But Exhibit A is embedded in Eric “Phenomenal” Simmons’ comments about bloggers. Well, not about bloggers specifically but his overarching need to discredit those folks on the Internet as irrelevant post-adolescents with nothing but heresy to talk about.  His comments are pure demagoguery, designed to play on the fears of his CLC audience to warn them away from ideas: ideas he cannot compete with.

The mindset of fear is endemic within the Sovereign Grace Ministries’ culture.

Exhibit B is their history. Long before SGM was… SGM, they were GOB and PDI/CLC. Their foray into shepherding is part and parcel of the same preoccupation: who is authorized to be in charge, and preach, and arbitrate God stuff. CJ and Larry Tomczak, et al were authoritarian LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG before they read Piper, and Spurgeon, and Packer.

Exhibit C is how they use the doctrines of Reformed Theology. I want to expand on this last point so I need to illustrate some Sovereign Grace Ministries algebra.

“watch your life and your doctrine” = mentally reflecting + Good Theology = Sound Doctrine = a specific Theological system = Orthodoxy = Authentic Christianity.

Orthodoxy = Reformed Theology

Ergo

Authentic Christianity = Reformed Theology

AND

Reformed Theology = Calvinism

With me so far? Okay… good.

Now I need to add the last part of the SGM equation.

Passioned Orthodoxy = PDI Passion + Orthodoxy

The last part of the equation is most important to your original question “How can SGM claim to be REFORMED when they really don’t adhere to the totality of REFORMED TRADITION?”

See, Sovereign Grace Ministries wants to play both sides of the intellectual fence. They use “Reformed Theology” to deflect criticism.  Object to the content of their doctrine and they immediately say, “But we are Orthodox, how can you object? We believe what all right-thinking historic Christians have always believed. How can you object to what Paul himself preached ‘Christ and him crucified’?” Upon criticism, the critic places himself unsound doctrine camp eliminating his disparagement from consideration.

But as PDI/CLC were making the transition from the charismatic-ish movement to the Reformed Tradition, they ran square into their first and second departure from Orthodox teaching. Reformed doctrine is the home of cessationist teaching… meaning the gifts of the spirit–tongues, healing, et al.–passed away.  Many of the churches of the reformed tradition prohibited music and musical instruments from worship.

What to do? We are a bunch of ’60s throwbacks that like to jump around at a rock concert in our tie dyes. Bob Kauflin isn’t going to stop playing the electric piano. And we’re not going to suddenly disavow speaking in tongues for the last 20 years.

How do we justify departures from the very orthodoxy that we use to validate our doctrine?

Well… in reality, they just ignore the implications. But their PR machine went into full gear and decided their doctrinal deviations were the product of Passion. Well… who can argue with that?

Their use of Reformed Theology is a smokescreen to insulate themselves from criticism of the content of their practice. Their deviations from the Reformed Tradition are justified as modern expressions of their unique Sovereign Grace Ministries passion.

As for their use of Calvinism … well … if there was ever a body of teaching that absolved a man of the outcomes of his doctrine … this is it. If you pray for the sick and folks don’t get well, what is the reason?  God is sovereign. Ergo, the content of your life is the product of Divine will. You preach endlessly that folks should not sin but yet they do. This is living proof of the doctrine of Pervasive Depravity. You pray for the unbeliever to get saved but yet they don’t respond.  That is a function of Limited Atonement. You preach the hard truth of the Gospel, but folks leave your church and call you a cult.  No mystery here, this is the doctrine of Perseverance of the Saints in action. If one cannot persevere in the hard truth, those who leave are living God’s necessarily appointed deception.

As a pastor, how can you be held accountable to ANY outcome within the body? Logically, you can’t and practically you won’t because the doctrine exempts outcomes from your preview.

As for their polity … in practice, SGM are papists. Charles Joseph is the Vicar.

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Sovereign Grace

The Very Important Things of Blog Apostleness

By John Immel

Now that I am a universal covering, I need to be careful. I mean, I am doing the work of the ministry with excellence so not just anybody can get up and talk in the blog prophesy mic. It is a valuable, valuable tool in spreading the Gospel of God. And what comes out of that mic, well, I alone am uniquely qualified to say what is God and what is not. So, in the words of the modern day pastor Eric Theodore Cartman, “You Will Respect My Authoritah!”

What is my authority for?

Well, it is to for being respected and doing important things.

What important things?

Hummm… protecting the prophesy mic and making sure that those who want to preach on my blog are subject to my good pleasure. I am a blog tyrant, and many of you are tyrants in training like Timothy. You need that oversight.

As one dear brother in the faith Larry Tomczak put it:  “Faulty foundations are also beginning to give way in the Body of Christ. Christians are discover­ing that one source of the cracks is a lack of recognizing foundational apostolic/ prophetic ministry. Many are realizing today they can’t ignore God’s pat­tern for building his church “…having been built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone” (Eph. 2:20).”

And since I’ve had other blog apostles validate my authority, I can confidently proclaim my blog apostle-ness. It is not a self-appointment because others affirm my appointment. So, since other blog apostles, who I affirm in their blog apostle-ness, affirm me, then that makes me an blog apostle too, and since we are all blog apostles linked in brotherly accountability, that means you should accept my blog Apostle-ness.

Why? Well, just because. My history validates my character as far as I’m concerned, and besides, God does not promote big heads. Ergo, if I am promoted, I don’t have a big head. I am humble.

Since my blog apostle-ness is fully established, and since you all are submitted to my Authoritah, you are “covered” or “oversighted,” depending on your doctrinal pedigree. Don’t’ forget to give sacrificially and tithe, you God-robber. I don’t want to have to keep telling you. I have important things to do.

Like what?

Well, uh… there are some national and international conventions where blog apostles are getting together to talk about how lowly blog pastors and lower blog teachers, and even lower on the pyramid, blog evangelists: How you all need our apostolic government. It isn’t about the national speaking events mind you, but we are going to get together and talk about blog apostle things. Because that is what Apostles do.

Again, our dear brother Larry Tomczak said it so eloquently: “Today, many Christian leaders are ad­mitting their limitations and their need for extra-local team ministry. Humbling them­selves and seeking out proven apostles and prophets to lay scriptural foundations in their midst, they find God honors His Word: “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). They’re discover­ing that apostolic ministry isn’t some novel idea, but the scriptural means for build­ing the Church and advancing the kingdom of God in the earth.”

You who don’t accept my blog apostle-ness are proud, because you can’t see the flaws in your foundation. God opposes you in your pride. The rains are coming and the storms are blowing and the faultiness of your foundations are eroding.  (I’m not talking about the spiritual carnage being perpetrated by Sovereign Grace Ministries. I am talking about guarding the prophesy mic and making sure you are submitted to my authority.) You need my blog Apostle-ness to prevent the bad stuff from washing you away.

What else do I do in my Blog Apostle-ness?

Uhmmm… well… you see it is my unique privilege to tell YOU what to do.  There are some stamps to lick at the SpiritualTyranny main office. And there are some bathrooms to clean. And many other menial tasks that you need to do, to show yourself approved in little, so you can be “promoted” in much.

Acts is our model and the way to become a miracle worker like Stephen is to wait blog tables diligently and eventually the blog Apostle, like myself will, “release” you into ministry.

So… while you’re licking e-stamps and waiting on Blog tables, I’m going to be over here being ministry exclusive. Don’t forget to give sacrificially and tithe, you God-robber.  I don’t want to have to keep telling you. And you’re under a curse if you don’t.

Dum de dum de dum

Dumd de dum… deee deee.

dum… deee deee

>Twiddle, Twiddle<

>phone ringing<

This is John, resident Blog apostle.

What’s that? Did I hear about the carnage coming out of Sovereign Grace Ministries?

Uh-huh… mmmm…  yeah, that is bad.

What? A woman divorced over doctrine? Her name is Free Bird?

>head shaking<

Uh… mmm uhmmm …  How tragic.

Another one? Her name was ACME? They did what to her? Well… it’s only two.

>listening<

No… I don’t know Jim and Carol from Titusville…  maybe I do… I’ll have to think about it.  But what happened to them again? Oh… yeah, that sounds like my story.

>listening<

Yeah… I’ve heard there are some other blogs talking about abuses from my former PDI leadership “team.”

Mmmm…. Sounds like a divine appointment. No… don’t clap your hands.

I know that is my story… but…

But… I’m an apostle with very important things to do. I know Paul fought his detractors in Corinth. I know he argued against the folly of the Galatians. But that isn’t what apostolic authority is about. It is about important things.

I’m above all that fighting … No, the Brownsville Blog apostles validated me. I’m affirmed.

>listening<

I know… I started that group. I laid the foundation. And now they are getting chewed up and spit out. But I have very important things to deal with here at the local church. I have to guard the prophesy mic, and make sure the blog ministers in waiting are “oversighted.”

>listening<

Well, Cha Ahn … doesn’t do anything either.

But they kicked me out. It’s not my response-

Queue Music

Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?

Apostles you are, the ministry you claim,

by Fame you left, lively hood in tact

PDI Creator, Leader of the mass

Appointed by God, but you let it pass?

Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?

Did you cover the souls from PDI days?

But leave the sheep in profound malaise

Apostolic authority, good for the church,

What does it mean, when you leave in a lurch

Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?

The fraud of covering do we really see?

You benefit from reverence given to thee.

Paul fought Peter to his face,

Gentiles access to the heavenly race.

(Sing it with me now)

Oh where, oh where has Larry Tomczak gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and reconciled Che Ahn
Oh where, oh where can they be?

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